Glossary

ABBA fan (n.) /ˈæb.ə fæn/
A gentleman with a preference for the society of other gentlemen. Abba fans congregate for this purpose in gites.

A fortiori (n.) /ɑː fɔː.tiˈɔːr.i/
Literally “from the stronger” [Latin]. The relation of inference obtaining between two sets of propositions A and B where A deductively implies B.

Aliter Assecurationem Subnervat (n. phrase) /əˈlaɪ.tər əˈsɛk.jʊ.rəˌtɪˈoʊ.nɛm ˌsʌbˈnɜr.væt/
“Otherwise the insurance is invalidated”. Notorious insurance industry Catch 22. Shallow pretext for management fleecing of gym members. [Latin]

Allgemeineszeitungstahlergänzung (n.) /ˌalɡəˈmaɪnəsˈtsaɪtʊŋstɑːlərˈɛɡzʊŋ/
German language steel trade bulletin.

Aporia (n.) /əˈpɔː.ri.ə/
Intellectual befuddlement generated by paradox. [Greek]

Armaround (n.) /ˈɑːrməˌraʊnd/
Manual relief performed by a top on a bottom during congress.

Ars sapientiaque viarum (n. phrase) /ɑrs sapˈiːɛn.tiˌækwe viˈaːrum/
The art and wisdom of the streets [Latin].

Ars scatologica (n. phrase) /ɑrs ˌskætəˈlɒdʒɪkə/
The scatological art, i.e. graffiti or tagging [Latin].

Argive (n.) /ˈɑː.dʒaɪv/
Greek, via metonymous etymological derivation from the Achaean city of Argos.

Banlieu (n.) /bɑːnˈljuː/
Suburb, with connotations of the slums. [French: ‘banlieue’].

Batiment (n.) /ˌbætɪˈmɑ̃/
Building [French].

Beard (n.) /bɪərd/
A lady married to an Abba fan who chooses not to be forthcoming about his proclivities.

Bear (n.) /bɛər/
Hirsute middle-aged or elderly pederast.

Beesom cushie (n.) /ˈbiːsəm ˈkʊʃi/
Female pigeon [Scots/Doric].

Blart (n.) /blɑːt/
Spend. Colloquial, with the implication of excess.

Boafervem (n.) /ˌbɔːfəˈvɛm/
Both of them. Estuarine contraction.

Bowffin (adj.) /ˈboʊfɪn/
Smelling strongly, with the intimation of unpleasantness [Scots/Doric].

Bildungsroman (n.) /ˈbɪl.dʊŋs.roʊˌmɑːn/
Literary genre focussing on the protagonist’s moral development from childhood to maturity [German].

Brown Windsor Soup (n. phrase) /braʊn ˈwɪnzər suːp/
Betimes a mousse, betimes a Wurst, ever the savour of the Copraphage.

Cauchemar (n.) /ˈkoʊʃ.mɑr/
Nightmare [French].

Cancer stick (n. phrase) /ˈkæn.sər stɪk/
Cigarette.

Chemin de fer (n. phrase) /ʃəˈmɛ̃ də fɛr/
Railway [French – literally, “iron road”].

Chimmical (adj.) /ˈtʃɪmɪkəl/
Chemical [vernacular].

Chocolate starfish (n.) /ˈtʃɒklət ˈstɑːrfɪʃ/
Bumhole.

China White (n. phrase) /ˈtʃaɪ.nə waɪt/
High quality heroin or fentanyl analogue.

Chthonic (adj.) /ˈθɒnɪk/
Pertaining to the Underworld. [Greek: χθόνιος: in/under the earth].

Clamjamfry (n.) /ˈklæmˌdʒæmfraɪ/
Mob or collection of worthless odds and ends [Scots/Doric].

Clarty (adj.) /ˈklɑːrti/
Dirty or muddy [Scots/Doric]

Combled (n.) /kɒmbld/
Crowded. By implication, over-crowded.

Comble (n.) /kɔ̃bl/
Crowd, with implications of overcrowding. See ‘foule’.

Confirmed bachelor (n. phrase) /kənˈfɜːmd ˈbætʃələr/
A poor thrower. The term, already belied by the existence of beards was fully vitiated by Lord Cameron’s legislation.

Coprasopher (n.) /ˈkɒp.rə.sɒf.ər/
Prophetical cove, who examines for auguries the spoor of beast and man.

Cottage (n.) /ˈkɒtɪdʒ/
An edifice, ordinarily a public gentlemen’s water closet, used by confirmed bachelors, friends of Dorothy, and poor throwers as a kennel.

Dogging (n.) /ˈdɒɡɪŋ/
A hobby popular primarily among middle-aged confirmed bachelors, friends of Dorothy, and poor throwers, but also among some of those of both genders partial to the shortest distance between two points.

Dogging (n.) /ˈdog.ɪŋ/
Engaging in sexual activity with strangers, typically outdoors.

Duma (n.) /ˈduːmə/
Parliament, council, legislative body [Russian].

Digestionnaire (n.) /daɪˈdʒɛs.tʃəˌnɛr/
Coprophage, coprophile [French].

Dilution beyond Avogadro’s Constant (n. phrase) /daɪˈluː.ʃən biˈjɒnd ˌæv.əˈɡɑː.droʊz ˈkɒn.stənt/
The dilution of a mixture beyond the threshold at which a molecule of a given substance can reasonably be expected to be present.

Eggmoney (n.) /ˈɛɡˌmʌni/
Hegemony [local vernacular].

Eglise de la Bouteiller (n. phrase) /eɪˈɡliːz də la buːˈteɪjeɪ/
Church of the Bottle [French]. The street drinking fraternity.

Escalier (n.) /ˌɛˈskælieɪ/
Staircase [French].

Eau de robinet (n. phrase) /oʊ də ˈroʊ.bɪ.neɪ/
Tap water. [French]

E la peste de Cipriano (n. phrase) /eɪ lə pɛst də sɪp.riˈɑː.nəʊ/
It is the plague of Cyprian. [Italian]

Enflèchement (n.) /ɑ̃.flɛʃ.mɑ̃/
Piercing with arrows. [French]

Enterologistan (n.) /ˌɛn.tə.rɒl.əˈdʒɪs.tæn/
The conceptual space pertaining to digestive medicine.

Epoché (n.) /ɛˈpɒk.i/
The suspension of judgement, a concept in Hellenistic philosophy, especially among sceptics e.g. Sextus Empiricus. [French]

Esprit d’escalier (n. phrase) /ɛsˌpriː dɛs.kæl.jeɪ/
Spirit of the staircase. Conceiving a witty riposte when its moment has passed. Alternatively, in the context of the present chronicle, being overcome by the urge to defecate on the staircase. [French]

Eukaryote (n.) /juːˈkæ.ri.əʊt/
Unicellular organism containing a distinct membrane-bound nucleus.

Failson (n.) /ˈfeɪl.sən/
Male resident of Montpelier, so-called because he is typically the wastrell scion of one or more of the bourgeois triumpalist families predominant in Clifton.

Felching (n.) /ˈfɛltʃɪŋ/
Oral ingestion of small motile gamete from faecal drain following Congress.

Fenetral (adj.) /fəˈnɛtrəl/
Pertaining to windows [French].

Flâneur (n.) /flæˈnɜr/
Idle pavement stroller or loafer [French].

Foule (n.) /fuːl/
Crowd, with implications of overcrowding. See ‘comble’.

Fournier’s Gangrene (n. phrase) /ˈfʊr.ni.eɪz ˈɡæŋ.ɡriːn/
Gangrene affecting the genitals, a notorious victim whereof being Herod the manager of Pex ‘n’ Quads gym in Hotwells, q.v. Amoeba Dick.

Friend of Dorothy (n. phrase) /ˈfrɛnd əv ˈdɒr.ə.θi/
Male homosexual. Alludes to the affection of members of the poor throwing community for The Wizard of Oz, and in particular for its protagonist Dorothy Gale, played by Judy Garland.

Fattitude (n.) /ˈfæt.ɪ.tjuːd/
The forthright, not to say confrontational, not to say obnoxious demeanour of the fat acceptance fraternity or sorority.

Flatulentia obstetrix incontinentiae (n. phrase) /ˌflætʃ.əˈlɛn.ti.ə ɒb.steɪˈtrɪks ɪnˌkɒn.tɪ.nɛn.tɪˈiː/
Flatulence is incontinence’s midwife [Latin].

Fonctionnaire (n.) /ˌfɒŋk.sjɒˈnɛər/
Manager. Bureaucrat. [French]

Franchement, je te trouve vachement chiant (n. phrase) /frɑːnʃ.mɑ̃ ʒə tə tʁuv vaʃə.mɑ̃ ʃjɑ̃/
To be honest, you’re really pissing me off [French].

Gimperous (adj.) /ˈɡɪmpərəs/
Of or pertaining to gimpery, rubber/neoprene fetishism. Occasionally a pejorative adjective describing cyclists who wear lycra.

Gitisme (n.) /ɡɪtˈɪzəm/
This is what the Frenchies call good old honest Anglo-Saxon cottaging.

Graffer (n.) /ˈɡræfər/
Graffiti artist. Person partial to palimpsestry.

Gear (n.) /ɡɪər/
Narcotics.

Geçmiş Olsun (n. phrase) /ɡɛtʃ.miʃ ˈɔl.suːn/
May it pass quickly. Turkish valedictory.

Gospodin (n.) /ˈɡɒs.pədɪn/
Russian and South Slavic honorific.

Hagranilozites (n.) /ˌhæɡrəˌnɪləˈzɪts/
Agranulocytosis [vernacular]. Acute lowered white blood cell count, leading to neutropenia. Sufferers are at risk of serious infection owing to the immune system compromise associated with this condition.

Hombonpoint (n.) /ˈhɒmbɒnˌpwæ̃/
Embonpoint [vernacular]. The female bust (at least in the normal course of things).

Hanarchit (n.) /ˈhænərkɪt/
Anarchist [vernacular].

Higgerance (n.) /ˈhɪɡərəns/
Ignorance [vernar].

Hornotholojit (n.) /ˌhɔrnəˈθɒlədʒɪt/
Ornithologist [vernacular].

Ille Salvator et dui latrones (n. phrase) /ˈɪl.lɛ sælˈveɪ.tɔːr ɛt djuː læˈtrəʊniːz/
The Saviour and two thieves. [Latin]

In foro publico (n. phrase) /ɪn ˌfɔː.rəʊ ˈpʊb.lɪˌkoʊ/
In the public forum. Publicly. [Latin]

Jakes (n.) /dʒeɪks/
Ladies’ or gentlemen’s water closet [late medieval vernacular].

Jacquerie (n.) /ˈdʒæk.wə.riː/
Peasants revolt in 1358, centred on the Oise Valley North of Paris.

Jafakan (n.) /ˈdʒæ.fə.kən/
Cod patois spoken by middle class White kids, q.v. wigger below

Jouissance suivant un coup de main (n. phrase) /ʒwi.sɑ̃s sɥi.vɑ̃ œ̃ ku də mɛ̃/
Post-masturbatory orgasm [French].

Kennel (n.) /ˈkɛnəl/
A resort where gentlemen and occasionally ladies of the dogging (q.v.) fraternity and occasionally sorority consort for their hobbies of felching (q.v.), armaround (q.v.) and gimpery. Commonly wooded areas, public toilets, and motorway lay-bys.

‘Kinnell (n.) /kɪˈnɛl/
Fucking Hell. An epithet. Also used as an eponym referring to yobboes, thugs, churls and other common, coarse, base and vulgar ne’er-do-wells given to the utterance thereof.

‘Ksakes (n.) /ksæks/
Fucksakes. An epithet.

Khazi (n.) /ˈkɑː.zi/
Toilet.

Ket-legs (n. phrase) /kɛt-lɛɡz/
Ketamine-induced unsteadiness on one’s legs.

Klismatics (n.) /klɪzˈmætɪks/
Pertaining to the study or administration of enema [from the Greek].

Kunstwerk (n.) /ˈkʊnst.vɛrk/
Artwork [German].

Laudanum (n.) /ˈlɔːdənəm/
Tincture of opium. A term adapted metonymously by Lord Snatch and his ilk to denote heroin.

L’enfer, c’est les autres oiseaux (n. phrase) /lɑ̃.fɛʁ sɛ lɛz oˈtʁə wazo/
Hell is other birds. [French, paraphrasing a notorious line from J.P. Sartre’s Huis Clos].

Lèse majesté (n. phrase) /ˈleɪz mædʒɛsˈteɪ/
Offence against the dignity of a monarch or high official [French].

Lux rationis (n. phrase) /lʌks ˈræʃ.ən.ɪs/
Light of reason [Latin].

Lacunae (n.) /ləˈkjuː.niː/
Gaps. [Latin]

Landreaughver (n.) /ˈlænd.roʊ.vər/
Landrover.

Membrum virile (n. phrase) /ˈmɛmbrəm vɪˈraɪli/
A gentleman’s Honourable Member [Latin]. Todger. Willy. Thing. Einäugigenhosenschlange, as our Teutonic friends would not put it.

Mouton noir (n. phrase) /muːtɔ̃ nwɑr/
Black sheep [French]. Schwartze Schaffe is the Bosch term.

Manus destris (n. phrase) /ˈmeɪ.nʊs ˈdɛs.trɪs/
Right hand. [Latin]

Meltemi (n.) /ˈmɛl.tə.miː/
Strong, dry wind afflicting Greek summer.

Mésalliance (n.) /ˌmeɪ.zəˈlɑːns/
Unstable alliance of non-converging interests [French].

Minchia che segoiolo (n. phrase) /ˈmɪn.kiː.ə kɛ ˈsɛ.dʒoʊ.iː.loʊ/
Christ what a wanker. [Italian]

Montypee (n.) /ˈmɒn.taɪ.piː/
Montpelier. Louche Bristolian suburb populated by Cliftonian failsons. Designated yobbery.

Moriscos (n.) /mɒˈrɪs.kɒs/
Andalusian Moors populating Iberia following its conquest by the Ummayad Caliphate in the early 8th century.

Munter (n.) /ˈmʌn.tər/
Idiot.

N’importe quoiqu’elle s’appelle (n. phrase) /nɛ̃.pɔʁt kɔkɛl sa.pɛl/
No matter how she styles herself [French].

Neep-heid (n.) /nip-hid/
Turnip-head. Disparaging term [Scots/Doric].

Nilists (n.) /ˈnaɪlɪsts/
Nihilists [vernacular]. In the context of sociopolitical ethics, persons without goals save for the destruction of all human institutions, whether concrete or abstract.

Omphalos (n.) /ˈɒmfəlɒs/
Navel, belly button. Metaphorical heart or centre [Greek].

Obol (n.) /ˈɒb.əʊl/
Coin placed on the eyes of departed souls in order to pay Charon to row them across the Styx to Hades.

Pammerin’ (adj.) /ˈpæmərɪn/
Shabbily dressed, staggering [Scots/Doric].

Pewlies (n.) /ˈpjuːliz/
Seagulls [Scots/Doric].

Pikey (n.) /ˈpaɪ.ki/
Gypsy. Pejorative.

Pharmacy (n.) /ˈfɑː.mə.si/
Premises specialising in the retail of substances prohibited under the Misuse of Drugs Act 1971.

Pompinaro (n.) /ˌpɒm.pɪˈnɑː.roʊ/
Cocksucker [Italian].

Pont des soupirs (n. phrase) /pɒnt deɪ suːˈpiərz/
Bridge of sighs [French].

Porca Madonna (n. phrase) /ˈpɔːr.kə məˈdɒn.nə/
Pig Madonna. Obscene Italian epithet.

Post hoc ergo propter hoc (n. phrase) /ˌpəʊst ˈhɒk ˈɜː.ɡəʊ ˈprɒp.tər ˈhɒk/
After this therefore because of this [Latin]. Informal logical fallacy inferring causation from correlation.

Protist (n.) /ˈprəʊ.tɪst/
Eukaryotic organism that is not an animal, land plant or fungus.

Quod veriter dubitandum sit (n. phrase) /kwɒd ˈvɛ.rɪ.tɜː ˌduː.bɪˈtæn.dʊm sɪt/
Which is truly to be doubted [Latin]. Expression of scepticism.

Rắn Hổ Mang Máu (n. phrase) /răn hɔ məŋ maʊ/
Cobra blood [Vietnamese].

Schwartzen Schaffe (n. phrase) /ʃvɑrtsɛn ˈʃæfə/
Black sheep [German]. See also mouton noir.

Scirocco (n.) /sɪˈrɒkoʊ/
Strong dry Mediterranean wind originating in the Sahara, often reaching hurricane force.

Scunnered (adj.) /ˈskʌn.ərd/
Bored, enervated, with intimations of overwhelming [Scots/Doric].

Scagmeistery (n.) /ˈskæɡ.maɪst.ər.i/
Drugging, and the lifestyle associated therewith.

Schadenfreude (n.) /ˈʃɑː.dən.frɔɪ.də/
Shame-joy [German]. The sociopathological deriving of happiness from the others’ misfortunes.

Shanked (n.) /ʃæŋkt/
Stabbed.

Sine qua non (n. phrase) /ˌsaɪ.niː kwɑː ˈnɒn/
Without which not [Latin]. Indispensable.

Slip x a length (n. phrase) /slɪp eks eɪ leŋθ/
Engage in sexual intercourse with x.

Spakür Ohne Grenzen (n. phrase) /ˌʃpɑː.kʊər ˈoʊ.nə ˈɡrɛnt.sən/
Spa Cures Without Frontiers [German]. Disaster relief agency.

Sophronistae (n.) /ˌsɒfrəˈnɪsti/
Instructors of youth. Groomers. Paedogogues [Greek].

Swailed (adj.) /sweɪld/
Swallowed [Scots/Doric].

Swinking (n.) /ˈswɪŋ.kɪŋ/
Toiling, labouring [from the Anglo-Saxon].

Sudra (n.) /ˈsuː.drə/
White shirt tied with a cord, sacred to Zoroastrians.

Sundarbang (n.) /ˈsʌn.dɑː.bæŋ/
The Sundarbans, mangrove swamp in the Bay of Bengal, located in the delta formed by the confluence of the Ganges, Brahmaputra and Meghna rivers.

Talcum of Medellin (n. phrase) /ˈtælkəm əv ˈmɛdəˌliːn/
Cocaine hydrochloride, a stimulant.

Trinity (n.) /ˈtrɪnɪti/
Police station since demolished, just behind Old Market.

Triste dictu (n. phrase) /trɪste dɪktu/
Sad to relate [Latin].

Trotskers (n.) /ˈtrɒtskərz/
Trotskyites [vernacular]. Proponents, originating with the Left Opposition and the Fourth International, of decentralised economic planning, voluntary collectivisation, artistic autonomy, and permanent revolution; in which respects Trotskyism is contrasted with the dirigisme and socialism-in-one-country policies of the Stalinists.

Trottoir (n.) /ˌtroʊˈtwɑr/
Pavement [French].

Tachycardia (n.) /ˌtæk.ɪˈkɑː.di.ə/
Accelerated heartbeat.

Therapeutic treatment centre (n. phrase) /ˌθɛr.əˈpjuː.tɪk ˈtriːt.mənt ˈsɛn.tər/
Bordello.

Toilet trading (n. phrase) /ˈtɔɪ.lɪt ˈtreɪ.dɪŋ/
Lavatorial variant of dogging [q.v.], predominantly a homosexual pastime.

Tricoteuse (n.) /ˈtrɪk.ə.təz/
Knitting woman [French]. Female voyeur at an execution.

Twink (n.) /twɪŋk/
Catamite; Ganymede; the barely legal complement of a bear.

Ursi majores (n. phrase) /ˈɜː.si məˈjɔːr.iːz/
Greater bears. Variously, stellar bodies or pederasts [q.v. bear above].

Volk bissen had genug (n. phrase) /fɔlk ˈbɪsən hæd ɡəˈnuːɡ/
People have had enough [German/vernacular].

Vim virtus (n. phrase) /vɪm ˈvɜːr.təs/
Manly spirit [Latin].

Voca necessitatis (n. phrase) /ˈvəʊ.kə nɛ.sɛs.ɪˈtæt.ɪs/
Nature’s call [Latin]. The need to visit the lavatory.

Vulpes atque lupes (n. phrase) /ˈvʊl.piːz æt.kweɪ ˈluː.piːz/
Foxes and wolves [Latin].

Wanksturbation (n.) /ˈwæŋkˌstərˌbeɪʃən/
The autonomous obtaining of manual relief.

Weihnachtsgeist (n.) /ˈvaɪnaxtsˌɡaɪst/
The ghost of Christmas [German].

Wohnung (n.) /ˈvoʊnʊŋ/
Living quarters, habitation [German].

Wigger (n.) /ˈwɪɡ.ər/
White nigger. Middle class White youth affecting Jafakan [q.v. above].

Wormhole (n.) /ˈwɜːm.hoʊl/
Catatonic state experienced by an aficionado of ketamine.

Xrafstar (n.) /ˈkræf.stɑː/
Unclean or impure creatures [from the Persian].

Kλύσμα θεά (n. phrase) /ˈklysmə θiˈeɪ/
Enema goddess.

Σκύλα (n.) /ˈskʌɪ.lə/
Scylla, bitch.

Ὄλισβος! (n. phrase) /ˈɒl.ɪz.bɒs/
Literally, “unstoppable”. But has come to mean, by etymological processes obscure to the present chronicler, “dildo”.

Παλιοθήλυκο (n.) /ˈpæl.i.ɒˌθiː.lɪˌkəʊ/
Slut.

Περσεφόνη (n.) /pərˈsɛf.əˌniː/
Persephone. In Greek mythology, daughter of Demeter and Zeus. Her annual abduction/manumission by Hades heralds the onset of Winter/Spring.